February 23, 2019
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I Can't Feel My Torso

Judgement Day Comes Early – In County Court

Yes ladies and gentlemen, you read the title correctly – an illustrious state senator of the United States of America has filed a lawsuit against the almighty. Here's a piece of the article –

(Ernie) Chambers lawsuit, which was filed on Friday in Douglas County Court, seeks a permanent injunction ordering God to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats.

The lawsuit admits God goes by all sorts of alias, names, titles and designations and it also recognizes the fact that the defendant is “Omnipresent”.

In the lawsuit Chambers says he’s tried to contact God numerous times, “Plaintiff, despite reasonable efforts to effectuate personal service upon Defendant (“Come out, come out, wherever you are”) has been unable to do so.”

The suit also requests that the court given the “peculiar circumstances” of this case waive personal service. It says being Omniscient, the plaintiff assumes God will have actual knowledge of the action.

The lawsuit accuses God “of making and continuing to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons, including constituents of Plaintiff who Plaintiff has the duty to represent.”

It says God has caused, “fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects, and the like.”

The suit also says God has caused, “calamitous catastrophes resulting in the wide-spread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants including innocent babes, infants, children, the aged and infirm without mercy or distinction.”

Chambers also says God “has manifested neither compassion nor remorse, proclaiming that Defendant “will laugh” when calamity comes.

Chambers asks for the court to grant him a summary judgment. He says as an alternative, he wants the judge to set a date for a hearing as “expeditiously” as possible and enter a permanent injunction enjoining God from engaging in the types of deleterious actions and the making of terroristic threats described in the lawsuit.

Now, I realize that this is simply to make a statement (if you read the entire article, the good sinator is trying to make a case for allowing the filing of frivolous lawsuits to continue).

I'm quite a religious man, and while I'm not here to debate the finer points of Christianity and what-not, Mr. Chambers seems to be devoid of reasonable sanity – I'd be incredibly surprised if he gets reelected. However, just to tear his argument up a bit......

Mr. Chambers makes a case against God for all of the horrible wars and terrorism that currently plague (and have plagued) our planet – sorry to burst your holy bubble Ernie but I believe stupid men appear to be the cause of most of those things. I find it hard to believe that the Lord God dances Osama Bin Laden about like a marionette.

As for earthquakes and hurricanes and all those other things – I don't recall God ever promising that Earth was going to be a utopia. And let's face it, if you don't want to be effected by hurricanes, don't live next to the stupid ocean, and if earthquakes tend to upset you, don't build your city right on top of the fault line you morons.

So while the county court of Douglas decides whether or not to subpoena the creator of the universe, the rest of us have to endure drivel like this being posted to the front page of CNN. Thank you for a lovely evening, sir.

Posted on September 17, 2007 at 10:35 pm

I just bought a Wii all for myself and played it for about three hours straight last night. My arm now feels like its about to fall off. Expect a retro-review on an old game sometime soon........

Posted on September 13, 2007 at 10:53 pm
HP and Luxury Computers

This evening while checking the news I came across an interesting story about Hewlett-Packard – the company has been making large strides in bringing their computer division out of the red, and at last count was actually making money on each computer sold. Mark Hurd (HP's CEO), however, has plans to further expand HP's market control by introducing a "luxury-line" computer. Named, "Blackbird" this black behemoth is HP's answer to the rising market share of Apple Inc.'s computers and Dell's XPS, also considered a luxury computer.

The Blackbird uses a 3.0 Ghz processor from AMD and is packed with all sorts of other goodies: an PPU from Ageia, RAM expandable up to 8 GB, a wide variety of powerful GPUs is available, optional audio cards, and 3 PCIe slots available. All in all, the Blackbird is shaping up to be one doozy of a workhorse, assuming you can afford it. According to the company you'll be shelling out at least $2500 for this machine.

I'd like to analyze this as a business decision from HP. The company has been struggling with its computer line for quite awhile now, and has only recently started to show profitable numbers again. The PC world has been built on a foundation of cheap, affordable hardware, that only gets cheaper as time passes (in contrast to the rest of the world, which gets more expensive as time progresses). Companies like Dell, HP, and Gateway made their fortunes on shipping cheap computers loaded with Windows to the masses. Nothing wrong with that – it was an excellent strategy and continues to be one in most markets.

And let's not forget, the reason that these companies have been so wildly successful is because corporate America has invested heavily in computers. There are millions and millions of computers running in corporate America every day (and in most other Western nations) and every day millions more are bought to replace older models.

Now the question is this: how does HP, which makes its money off of selling cheap computers to businesses, expect to make a profit off of this $2500 workhorse in the business world? The answer is, it doesn't. For some reason, Mr. Hurd feels that the Blackbird is poised to sell well to individuals. It might – but as a luxury computer? Hard core gamers might be attracted to the Blackbird, and competition in that market is stiff. Every computer maker has its own Blackbird already out there pulling for the hearts and wallets of a rather small market segment – the hard core PC gamers who demand the most powerful machines.

The only other possibility is that the Blackbird is aimed at the design world, which anybody who works in design already knows that Apple has a lock on that market. The design industry was what kept Apple afloat in the 1990's, and its a measure of how strong Apple was and is in that market. The Mac has long been hailed as the greatest computer and OS for doing any sort of graphical design.

So where is HP headed with this decision? A costly computer that at best has small market appeal and can't be expected to compete significantly in existing markets? What does everyone else think?

Posted on September 9, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Assassin's Creed – Anticipation

I know, I know! I swore I'd never post anything on this blog again, yet hear I am. Blackshawk.com is still under major construction, so for the time being I'll be throwing the occasional post up on here for old time's sake.

Now! Some of you might be wondering why a self-proclaimed Halo fanboy like myself isn't drooling incessantly over the less-than-a-month-away game. Fear not, my flock! Halo 3 shall be visited all in good time! For the meantime, I suggest that you all drool a little over this truly amazing-looking title from Ubisoft called Assassin's Creed.

Yes, its very sharp.

Assassin's Creed plops you down into the boots of Altair (Al-tye-air), an assassin living in the midst of the Third Crusade. For those of you who've never studied late 12th century Middle Eastern history, the assassins were actually the religious sect of Hashshashin, and they specialized in murder. The modern day word "assassin" is actually a derivative of "Hashshashin" (they also brought us hash. . . . just kidding).

Ruthless and efficient killers, the Assassins were notoriously famous in medieval times for harassing the leaders of the Third Crusade, but they murdered far more Muslims than Christians over the course of the two or three bloody centuries that they were active – how much of this will be brought out in the game remains to be seen. But! enough of a history lesson. Back to the game.

All in a day's work.

People will undoubtedly make connections between this game and the Prince of Persia series, and rightfully so, but AC makes a pretty significant departure from the popular PoP series. Altair is deadly, incredibly deadly, but he is far from invincible. In fact, the games developers have been stressing just how mortal your character is. Sure, he might shrug off a few scratches or nicks, but Altair isn't going survive having a sword thrust through his jugular or scrotum. The game encourages players to think through situations and try to avoid getting into conflict situations where you would otherwise be forced to fight. Altair may be a proficient killer, but anybody would have a hard time beating off a dozen plate-and-mail knights all piling on at once.

Altair is also extremely capable at a form of running called "parkour". Its a free-running mode in which you pretty much never stop running. If your feet or hands are capable of gripping and object, you stay moving forward, upward, or wherever. Just do a search for "parkour" on Youtube and you'll see some truly fascinating videos of freerunning in action – all of this is exhibited by Altair in AC and more. By simply pressing forward on the control stick you'll leap, catch, flip, or grab any protruding object.

Aside from this normally suicidal approach to movement, Altair will have a small arsenal of weapons including his assassin's knife, sword (it looks more like a breaker to me, but oh well), and what looks like a tiny crossbow. All of these will aid and abet you in your search for Jerusalem's finest. The game will give you a variety of missions, all of them being hellbent on the destruction of particular human lives. Be aware though, that Assassin's Creed discourages you from simply hacking an entire street full of people into mince. The game encourages blending in with the crowd and behaving normally – any sort of "hey, I'm an assassin" behavior will attract unwanted notoriety. Go with the flow.

If an execution fails, simply leap on top of them.

All in all, Assassin's Creed is shaping up to be one of the blockbuster titles for the Xbox 360 this holiday season, and I personally cannot wait to get my hands on it. Rest assured a full length review will appear here when the game finally does debut.

Posted on September 4, 2007 at 9:15 pm
Time To GO! www.blackshawk.com

Its been fun here on IMG. Really, it has. But as of today, any and all blog posts for I Can't Feel My Torso will be on Blackshawk.com, my new website. I hope everyone will check it out!

I Can't Feel My Torso has been IMG's most popular blog for well over a year now, and not by a small margin. I think it stayed popular because I wrote about things that people wanted to hear and because I posted a new article every few days or weeks. Most guys on the blog list can measure their post times in months.

So here's the full scoop!
My new email address is jarrod@blackshawk.com.
I am looking for a few people who might want to contribute material on a regular basis. Just contact me if you're interested.

I can't believe I fell ONE post short of 50 here. I had a big to-do planned (yeah, right) but that'll have to wait until Blackshawk.com hits fifty or a hundred posts.

P.S. - My last few articles from here on IMG will be migrated over to Blackshawk.com

Posted on May 8, 2007 at 11:16 pm
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Halo 3 – A March To Glory 10/4/2007
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Ian Beck
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