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Steve Ballmer

Member Since 27 Sep 2007
Online Last Active Today, 11:25 PM

#447962 What If Google Had Not Deleted The Fake Steve Ballmer Blog?

Posted Steve Ballmer on Yesterday, 11:54 PM

View Postthe Battle Cat, on 19 January 2018 - 02:33 PM, said:

Yes.  No cure.  We have our exhausted our IMG medical research team in the search for a cure.  Handsome Jack has promised new cures with eridium and slag procedures but DH refused to step foot into that game.  Even putting tuna into his carrier to coax him inside wouldn't work.  TUNA and he wouldn't go in!  My god, what some vet must have done to him in the past... this probably started when he thought he was going to the vet to get "toutered".
I have only one thing to say about that; Nano-bots! We are secretly working on them, they work on a micro-cellular level and can reprogram the human brain (in theory) so that all you problems will be solved. Human test start in about a month or two or ten.

#447812 Zune Repairs?

Posted Steve Ballmer on 09 January 2018 - 09:50 AM

View PostDirtyHarry50, on 04 January 2018 - 10:39 PM, said:

I knew there had to be a catch. I just knew it!
Sorry, I have a hard and fast rule about not supporting companies that bring down our collective IQ. hence I have banned CNN

#447810 Startrek Discovery

Posted Steve Ballmer on 09 January 2018 - 09:28 AM

View Postipickert55, on 09 January 2018 - 04:26 AM, said:

I thought it was okay in theaters, watched it at home and it was just bleh. Spock somehow reverted to being an emotionless husk despite being an alright guy at the end of the first one, the blonde admirals daughter literally served no purpose, and Benedict Cumberbatch's performance was brutal at times.

Even as AAA action movies, I thought the 2009 was far better because of how well put together it was. The other two just felt so messy and chaotic.

Sorry for hijacking this thread btw, I haven't watched discovery yet :P
If you like being frustrated, watch Discovery.

#447801 Startrek Discovery

Posted Steve Ballmer on 08 January 2018 - 06:15 PM

The Disaster Called Startrek Discovery

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Where do I start?

OK, Klingons!

ghob’e’ Qu’ Hoch ‘e’ naQ tIq HoS je

I tried to be open minded here but the timeline is wrong, technology is wrong, sets are wrong, acting is flat, plots are tortured, …… the Klingons are not Klingons!

Who came up with this stuff? Kilngons are passionate, extreme, wild-eyed! The Kilngons on Discovery are mask, that’s it.

I tried to like this show but I HATE it! The writers should be fed to my pitakh!

It actually makes me like The Orville.

#447719 Zune Repairs?

Posted Steve Ballmer on 30 December 2017 - 07:24 PM

View Postipickert55, on 28 December 2017 - 12:05 PM, said:

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LOL, you insult me! one million? Never mind.

#447718 Support the NNLO!

Posted Steve Ballmer on 30 December 2017 - 07:22 PM

View Postthe Battle Cat, on 30 December 2017 - 10:58 AM, said:

That's our fault DH.  The forums haven't been updated since forever and problems like this are leaking out of the corroded joints.
.... always blame the user, never confess error!

#447693 Merry Christmas!

Posted Steve Ballmer on 28 December 2017 - 12:51 AM

The entire staff of FSB hope that all of you had a great and Merry Christmas!
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View PostFrost, on 25 December 2017 - 02:05 PM, said:


Now I have [another] machine gun!

Merry Christmas!

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#447459 Join the battle for net neutrality

Posted Steve Ballmer on 05 December 2017 - 06:33 PM

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Here is another great cause: Return Steve Ballmer as CEO and Make Microsoft Great Again!

#447206 What is the Problem With Microsoft?

Posted Steve Ballmer on 13 November 2017 - 08:22 AM

View Postthe Battle Cat, on 25 October 2017 - 06:55 PM, said:

It's the damn millennials these days, they expect everything to be free.  We used to call those folks bums.  You need those guys like you need to hemorrhage money out your butt-tocks.  I believe people should pay for their own stupidity.

This and all that pointless attention to product design style.  It's a frakin box with crap in it not a chrome bobble on Andy Warhol's desk for Crom sake.

If I may I would suggest hexagonal cells like a beehive.  That has been calculated to be the most efficient use of space.  It is absolutely impossible to prairie dog in one of those so you've removed that blight outright.

Now we come full circle to your first brilliant point.  In the same vein as free not being appreciated, crash free is not appreciated, just demanded.  Crashing is the equivalent to paying for the service.  This way your customers are chanting "thank God thank God" every second that they are not crashing.  And there can be no higher praise of your product than that.  How many chant "Thank God" using Apple products?  Never heard it myself.

May Vista light the Way of the Zune for you my brother.
I would hire you if I were still CEO!

#447142 Invitation to Orlando Rally

Posted Steve Ballmer on 09 November 2017 - 08:26 AM

I'm leaving Friday morning, will be able to make about four stops. Who needs a free ride to Orlando?
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#447102 Zune vs iPhone

Posted Steve Ballmer on 06 November 2017 - 10:52 PM

View PostDirtyHarry50, on 05 November 2017 - 06:19 PM, said:

Burn the heretic!!!

By the way, no mention of the screen burn in issue with iPhone X???

Come on Ballmer! You need to bring your A game around here.
I'm mostly into Basketball no-a-days, the whole iPhone thing is inconsequential to me.

#447044 Coupon Offer - 66% off on my book!

Posted Steve Ballmer on 02 November 2017 - 12:37 PM

View Postthe Battle Cat, on 01 November 2017 - 08:02 PM, said:

O Great One, I have downloaded the audio version of your great and momentous book, truly a book for the ages,  onto my Zune (blessed be the name) but each time I hit start it sings:

"Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you"
That's the theme song for my come back! I'll have some NTN's look into the problem. (Nasal Toned Nerds)

#446941 Help Bring Back Steve Ballmer as CEO of Microsoft!

Posted Steve Ballmer on 24 October 2017 - 02:08 PM


You can help me return to my rightful position as CEO of Microsoft.
I know that all of you don't like me but you can be a little kind and make history!

Sign the petition and let it eternally be said that Mac-users brought me back!
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#446927 What is the Problem With Microsoft?

Posted Steve Ballmer on 23 October 2017 - 03:36 PM

Now that I am no longer CEO at Microsoft I can admit that a few things about how and what they did there did sometimes annoy me, like:

1. Customer support: sometimes it was free, people do not appreciate anything free. Make it free and the lines will be jammed with stupid questions all day long. Anything good should be paid for

2. Packing design: I think everything you would ever need to know about a product should be listed on the box. Forget flashy pictures and graphics trying to make it pretty (they already bought the product).

3. Offices: The offices were too large, no employee making less than $126, 000 per year should occupy more than a 5'x5' cubicle, then depending in the ceiling height, those could be stacked. If the architects had followed my advice we could have had  6 times as many employees in the same space they use now and shutdown 2/3 of the offices they use today. What a savings!

4. Software bugs: The software is very advanced, two crashes a day should be acceptable.

I expect them to recall me as CEO any day now. Sign the petition:


#446923 Looking for a webmaster

Posted Steve Ballmer on 23 October 2017 - 03:03 PM

I can always have someone hack in