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#1 Steve Ballmer

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Posted 01 November 2017 - 02:43 PM

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The Secret Diary of Steve Ballmer - "I am not Steve Ballmer pretending not to be me"

#2 Steve Ballmer

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Posted 01 November 2017 - 02:49 PM

Assist me in returning to my rightful position as CEO of All at Microsoft! Just sign the petition "Make Microsoft Great Again!" Then print the coupon here and receive an extra 9% off on my book, "The Monkey-Boy Conspiracy!"

https://www.change.o...=share_petition

That brings the value of this coupon to a whopping 75% people!

Available in the back room at all participating Microsoft stores! - Large stock still available.

(They will of course check to see if you signed before giving you the extra 9%)
Lines are forming now.
The Secret Diary of Steve Ballmer - "I am not Steve Ballmer pretending not to be me"

#3 the Battle Cat

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Posted 01 November 2017 - 08:02 PM

O Great One, I have downloaded the audio version of your great and momentous book, truly a book for the ages,  onto my Zune (blessed be the name) but each time I hit start it sings:

"Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you"
Gary Simmons
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#4 Steve Ballmer

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Posted 02 November 2017 - 12:37 PM

View Postthe Battle Cat, on 01 November 2017 - 08:02 PM, said:

O Great One, I have downloaded the audio version of your great and momentous book, truly a book for the ages,  onto my Zune (blessed be the name) but each time I hit start it sings:

"Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you"
That's the theme song for my come back! I'll have some NTN's look into the problem. (Nasal Toned Nerds)
The Secret Diary of Steve Ballmer - "I am not Steve Ballmer pretending not to be me"

#5 the Battle Cat

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Posted 02 November 2017 - 04:48 PM

Exquisitely delicious humor.  That's the stuff.  Thank you Thursday for giving me this little tidbit.  Er... May the upgraded Vista be our guide, our fortress, our path.
Gary Simmons
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#6 Steve Ballmer

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Posted 02 November 2017 - 06:08 PM

View Postthe Battle Cat, on 02 November 2017 - 04:48 PM, said:

Exquisitely delicious humor.  That's the stuff.  Thank you Thursday for giving me this little tidbit.  Er... May the upgraded Vista be our guide, our fortress, our path.
Amen brother

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The Secret Diary of Steve Ballmer - "I am not Steve Ballmer pretending not to be me"

#7 the Battle Cat

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 10:20 AM

In anticipation of the foretold Second Coming of the Zune (blessed be its name) I shall be wearing my holy ascension robe brother Ballmer.  Cursed be the iPoders!  May the Zune (blessed be its name) be with us all.


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#8 Frost

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 04:41 PM

That's a badass ascension robe. Where do I join this new religion? Is body armor free? How about ammo?
Kestrel (Falcon NW Tiki) – 4.0 GHz i7 4790K / 16GB RAM / 512GB Samsung 950 Pro M.2, 2x480GB Intel 730 (RAID0), 10TB STX BarraCuda Pro / GeForce GTX TITAN X 12GB
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When there's a multiplayer version, I'm going to be on Frost's team. Well, except he doesn't seem to actually need a team...I mean, what's the point? "Hey look, it's Frost and His Merry Gang of Useless Hangers-On!" Or something.

#9 the Battle Cat

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Posted 04 November 2017 - 11:00 AM

View PostFrost, on 03 November 2017 - 04:41 PM, said:

That's a badass ascension robe. Where do I join this new religion? Is body armor free? How about ammo?

Vista Chapel in Redmond, you grow it on your body from a titanium seed, yes but only with Windows Vista Ultimate.  If you ran Vista with all the latest updates, you would know these things brother Frost.  Bing now for great justice.
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#10 DirtyHarry50

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Posted 05 November 2017 - 06:32 PM

OMG! What is happening here? I feel like I am trapped in a nightmare and can't wake up!

Don't let the charlatan lead you all down the road to perdition. There is only one Steve who matters and Ballmer ain't him!!!

I do like the apparel though. That is good and I second the motion for free ammo and lots of it too.
“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” — Bertrand Russell

#11 the Battle Cat

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Posted 06 November 2017 - 10:36 AM

... all hail Plankton ...
... all hail Plankton ...
... all hail Plankton ...
Gary Simmons
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#12 DirtyHarry50

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Posted 07 November 2017 - 11:14 AM

View Postthe Battle Cat, on 06 November 2017 - 10:36 AM, said:

... all hail Plankton ...
... all hail Plankton ...
... all hail Plankton ...

Does this mean it is time to just scrap everything and start over?
“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” — Bertrand Russell

#13 the Battle Cat

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Posted 08 November 2017 - 10:00 AM

Nah, just knock the control bucket off of my head.
Gary Simmons
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#14 Steve Ballmer

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Posted 09 November 2017 - 08:48 AM

View PostDirtyHarry50, on 05 November 2017 - 06:32 PM, said:

OMG! What is happening here? I feel like I am trapped in a nightmare and can't wake up!

Don't let the charlatan lead you all down the road to perdition. There is only one Steve who matters and Ballmer ain't him!!!

I do like the apparel though. That is good and I second the motion for free ammo and lots of it too.
I am not Steve Ballmer pretending not to be me!
The Secret Diary of Steve Ballmer - "I am not Steve Ballmer pretending not to be me"

#15 the Battle Cat

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Posted 09 November 2017 - 10:50 AM

FSB is the only person on the planet who can say that and have it make any sort of sense.
Gary Simmons
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#16 Steve Ballmer

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Posted 09 November 2017 - 01:14 PM

View Postthe Battle Cat, on 09 November 2017 - 10:50 AM, said:

FSB is the only person on the planet who can say that and have it make any sort of sense.
Thank you
The Secret Diary of Steve Ballmer - "I am not Steve Ballmer pretending not to be me"

#17 DirtyHarry50

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Posted 10 November 2017 - 10:32 PM

I tried to make sense of it but I just couldn't, not even with pictures...

https://www.google.c.....0.snSwz7g8QCc
“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” — Bertrand Russell

#18 Steve Ballmer

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Posted 11 November 2017 - 09:50 PM

View PostDirtyHarry50, on 10 November 2017 - 10:32 PM, said:

I tried to make sense of it but I just couldn't, not even with pictures...

https://www.google.c.....0.snSwz7g8QCc
It's a Fake Blogger thang, you wouldn't understand.
The Secret Diary of Steve Ballmer - "I am not Steve Ballmer pretending not to be me"

#19 DirtyHarry50

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Posted 13 November 2017 - 09:09 AM

Oh, okay. That 'splains it!
“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” — Bertrand Russell