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What is the Problem With Microsoft?


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#1 Steve Ballmer

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Posted 23 October 2017 - 03:36 PM

Now that I am no longer CEO at Microsoft I can admit that a few things about how and what they did there did sometimes annoy me, like:

1. Customer support: sometimes it was free, people do not appreciate anything free. Make it free and the lines will be jammed with stupid questions all day long. Anything good should be paid for

2. Packing design: I think everything you would ever need to know about a product should be listed on the box. Forget flashy pictures and graphics trying to make it pretty (they already bought the product).

3. Offices: The offices were too large, no employee making less than $126, 000 per year should occupy more than a 5'x5' cubicle, then depending in the ceiling height, those could be stacked. If the architects had followed my advice we could have had  6 times as many employees in the same space they use now and shutdown 2/3 of the offices they use today. What a savings!

4. Software bugs: The software is very advanced, two crashes a day should be acceptable.

I expect them to recall me as CEO any day now. Sign the petition:

https://www.change.o...=share_petition
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#2 DirtyHarry50

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Posted 24 October 2017 - 10:11 PM

A proper answer to the question is rather complex. I would suggest posing it to one Richard Stallman who I am sure can answer it in great detail, at great length and with even more passion than a certain former Microsoft exec was once capable of at Microsoft Marketing meetings. No need to feel bad when you get the news Mr. Ballmer because it ain't pretty for Apple either.

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#3 the Battle Cat

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Posted 25 October 2017 - 06:55 PM

View PostSteve Ballmer, on 23 October 2017 - 03:36 PM, said:

Now that I am no longer CEO at Microsoft I can admit that a few things about how and what they did there did sometimes annoy me, like:

1. Customer support: sometimes it was free, people do not appreciate anything free. Make it free and the lines will be jammed with stupid questions all day long. Anything good should be paid for

It's the damn millennials these days, they expect everything to be free.  We used to call those folks bums.  You need those guys like you need to hemorrhage money out your butt-tocks.  I believe people should pay for their own stupidity.

Quote

2. Packing design: I think everything you would ever need to know about a product should be listed on the box. Forget flashy pictures and graphics trying to make it pretty (they already bought the product).

This and all that pointless attention to product design style.  It's a frakin box with crap in it not a chrome bobble on Andy Warhol's desk for Crom sake.

Quote

3. Offices: The offices were too large, no employee making less than $126, 000 per year should occupy more than a 5'x5' cubicle, then depending in the ceiling height, those could be stacked. If the architects had followed my advice we could have had  6 times as many employees in the same space they use now and shutdown 2/3 of the offices they use today. What a savings!

If I may I would suggest hexagonal cells like a beehive.  That has been calculated to be the most efficient use of space.  It is absolutely impossible to prairie dog in one of those so you've removed that blight outright.

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4. Software bugs: The software is very advanced, two crashes a day should be acceptable.

Now we come full circle to your first brilliant point.  In the same vein as free not being appreciated, crash free is not appreciated, just demanded.  Crashing is the equivalent to paying for the service.  This way your customers are chanting "thank God thank God" every second that they are not crashing.  And there can be no higher praise of your product than that.  How many chant "Thank God" using Apple products?  Never heard it myself.

May Vista light the Way of the Zune for you my brother.
Gary Simmons
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#4 DirtyHarry50

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Posted 26 October 2017 - 06:18 PM

GNU is good for you!!! :nods: :wiggle: :clapping: :rotfl: :)
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#5 Steve Ballmer

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Posted 13 November 2017 - 08:22 AM

View Postthe Battle Cat, on 25 October 2017 - 06:55 PM, said:

It's the damn millennials these days, they expect everything to be free.  We used to call those folks bums.  You need those guys like you need to hemorrhage money out your butt-tocks.  I believe people should pay for their own stupidity.



This and all that pointless attention to product design style.  It's a frakin box with crap in it not a chrome bobble on Andy Warhol's desk for Crom sake.



If I may I would suggest hexagonal cells like a beehive.  That has been calculated to be the most efficient use of space.  It is absolutely impossible to prairie dog in one of those so you've removed that blight outright.



Now we come full circle to your first brilliant point.  In the same vein as free not being appreciated, crash free is not appreciated, just demanded.  Crashing is the equivalent to paying for the service.  This way your customers are chanting "thank God thank God" every second that they are not crashing.  And there can be no higher praise of your product than that.  How many chant "Thank God" using Apple products?  Never heard it myself.

May Vista light the Way of the Zune for you my brother.
I would hire you if I were still CEO!
The Secret Diary of Steve Ballmer - "I am not Steve Ballmer pretending not to be me"