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#447986 Startrek Discovery

Posted by Steve Ballmer on Yesterday, 11:25 PM in Off-Topic

I loved Gul Dukat!
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"Steve Ballmer, yes"

#447984 Net Nuetrality - Can One Fake Blogger Make a Difference?

Posted by Steve Ballmer on Yesterday, 11:21 PM in General

View PostDirtyHarry50, on 20 January 2018 - 01:26 AM, said:

Well, I may not be among the faithful but one fake blogger did just give me a good laugh out loud moment when I scrolled down to see the picture you posted here. If only the SNL crew would do some skits on Mr. Ballmer. Imagine the possibilities?
I've always declined their invitations, but since you said that, I may reconsider next time they call.

View Postipickert55, on 20 January 2018 - 04:15 AM, said:

I'm pretty sure the courts are still fighting it no? And theres a Senate bill out there as well.

Don't go quietly everyone.
I do nothing quietly. PLEASE SIGN THE PETITION

#447963 Net Nuetrality - Can One Fake Blogger Make a Difference?

Posted by Steve Ballmer on Yesterday, 12:08 AM in General

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After the Net Neutrality defeat back in December, everybody was pretty bummed-out. So much so that at my last Free Fake Steve Ballmer Rally most of the crowd seemed a bit depressed. I assured them that I would continue the fight, I was not going to surrender to the evil corporate interest which are plotting against bloggers everywhere! I even did a little of my signature yelping, jumping and dancing, nothing seemed to fire-up the crowd. They were about as depressed as I have ever seen a group of Z.U.N.E.s (Zune-Using Nerd Elites).  One of them even approached the stage, (you can get hurt like that) he asked me tearfully,
“Can One Fake Blogger Make a Difference?”
The entire room went silent in anticipation of their leader’s answer, I knew to choose my words carefully. The CNN guys in the back did a tight zoom on my face. I cleared my voice, looked the Z.U.N.E. directly in the eyes and said in the most serious tone I could muster:
“If it’s the last thing that I ever do, I shall return as CEO of all, I shall return Net Neutrality! …… I swear it on my basement Brown Zune collection!”
The crowd gasped! Shocked, they muttered, “on the Brown Zune Collection!” Slowly they started to applaud, the CNN guys went Live, The FSB-Girls started to cry and the applause reached a thunderous pitch! They started to chant,
That evening when I got home, I kicked back in the lazy-boy and thought to myself,
“Oh my goodness! I swore it on my basement Brown Zune collection?”

JOIN US! https://www.change.o...on-organization

#447962 What If Google Had Not Deleted The Fake Steve Ballmer Blog?

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 19 January 2018 - 11:54 PM in Off-Topic

View Postthe Battle Cat, on 19 January 2018 - 02:33 PM, said:

Yes.  No cure.  We have our exhausted our IMG medical research team in the search for a cure.  Handsome Jack has promised new cures with eridium and slag procedures but DH refused to step foot into that game.  Even putting tuna into his carrier to coax him inside wouldn't work.  TUNA and he wouldn't go in!  My god, what some vet must have done to him in the past... this probably started when he thought he was going to the vet to get "toutered".
I have only one thing to say about that; Nano-bots! We are secretly working on them, they work on a micro-cellular level and can reprogram the human brain (in theory) so that all you problems will be solved. Human test start in about a month or two or ten.

#447954 What If Google Had Not Deleted The Fake Steve Ballmer Blog?

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 17 January 2018 - 07:34 PM in Off-Topic

View PostDirtyHarry50, on 17 January 2018 - 02:50 PM, said:

Mom, what's a blog?

Oh, that's something people used to do but don't waste time on anymore honey. We don't have time for real food so of course we don't have time for reading. That's why a smart person with a short attention span made Twitter! Now go play your Grand Theft Auto game like a good boy.
I shall cure you my brother!

#447947 What If Google Had Not Deleted The Fake Steve Ballmer Blog?

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 17 January 2018 - 02:44 AM in Off-Topic

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Newt Gingrich has been doing a very scholarly series on Facebook answering questions like, "What if Hitler Won?" or "What if Kennedy lived?" People send him these questions which he answers weekly. The series is good but I did not go out of my way to listen to any of it.
But, he called me the other day about the Fake Blogging phenomena, it's rise and demise. His premise was fascinating:
"The importance of the satirical Fake Blogs of the mid 2000's was an important historical phenomena. It was really started by Dan Lyons who did the Fake Steve jobs Blog during that time and was wildly popular. However, many did not give his nemesis Fake Steve Ballmer due credit for his contribution to this amazing form of literature. The Ballmer blog started only a few months after the Job's blog, but only garnered a tenth of the traffic of the former. I never understood this, in that the Ballmer Blog was much more entertaining, informative and included amazing graphics. The problem seemed to be that nobody actually liked the Ballmer character and the sub-par company he defended, however the fake blog was notably better.
After only a few years, Lyons was outed and the real Steve Jobs took ill. The blog was stopped.
That is when Google went totally control-freak and decided to delete almost all of the satire blogs, but in so doing deleted the Ballmer blog. In my estimation this was a huge mistake! It demonstrated to the world just how inhuman corporations like theirs were. They could not be reasoned with, they refused to understand satire, humor, creativity or hubris. Basically, they were going to war with fun on the internet! If they had allowed the Ballmer blog to continue we today would have a much more expressive, humorous, richer internet overall. Net Neutrality certainly would have been maintained!
The only good news is that Fake Steve Ballmer has restarted blogging using the Wordpress platform. However, he is not getting the traction of the golden age, but he seems determined to bring the internet back to sanity. For all of our sakes, let's hope he succeeds!"

#447813 Congratulate Me - I'm Dr. Fake Steve Now!

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 09 January 2018 - 09:58 AM in Off-Topic

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The call was unexpected! Chancellor Carol L. Folt of the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill emailed me last week:

“UNC Chapel Hill:

We the Board of Directors, Chancellor and esteemed Alumni of UNC Chapel Hill in recognition of the significant contributions to literature, humor, education and art by one Stephanos Anton Ballmerfeld aka Fake Steve Ballmer do this day confer upon said Fake Blogger an Honorary Doctorate of Letters.

Recognition of Mr. Fake’s FPB (Fake Persona Blog) has been deemed by the staff and professors at UNC as being a cultural treasure. The Chapel Hill concrete seal in front of Magnolia Hall has of this day been set before the south entry-way in memory of this most auspicious achievement. Congratulations Dr. Fake Steve Ballmer.

Honorary Doctorate of Letters Conferred by:

Dr. Carol L. Folt – Chancellor”

#447812 Zune Repairs?

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 09 January 2018 - 09:50 AM in General

View PostDirtyHarry50, on 04 January 2018 - 10:39 PM, said:

I knew there had to be a catch. I just knew it!
Sorry, I have a hard and fast rule about not supporting companies that bring down our collective IQ. hence I have banned CNN

#447810 Startrek Discovery

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 09 January 2018 - 09:28 AM in Off-Topic

View Postipickert55, on 09 January 2018 - 04:26 AM, said:

I thought it was okay in theaters, watched it at home and it was just bleh. Spock somehow reverted to being an emotionless husk despite being an alright guy at the end of the first one, the blonde admirals daughter literally served no purpose, and Benedict Cumberbatch's performance was brutal at times.

Even as AAA action movies, I thought the 2009 was far better because of how well put together it was. The other two just felt so messy and chaotic.

Sorry for hijacking this thread btw, I haven't watched discovery yet :P
If you like being frustrated, watch Discovery.

#447809 Startrek Discovery

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 09 January 2018 - 08:15 AM in Off-Topic

View Postmacdude22, on 08 January 2018 - 06:22 PM, said:

The Orville is great! Anyone who discounts it because “Seth McFarlane” is doing themselves a serious disservice. STD (lololololololol) is a passable Battlestar Galactica clone but it is a terrible Star Trek. Worse than Voyager, and that’s saying something.

Skip STD, grab a hulu 7 day trial, and binge the pure joy that is The Orville.

Seth irl
AGREED! Live long and prosper

View PostThain Esh Kelch, on 09 January 2018 - 01:20 AM, said:

I do think the sets are great. ... But the technology presented is wrong. The timeline is wrong. The klingons are wrong. The plotline is stupid. The acting is great but several of the characters are so awful.

Star Trek has always taken things lightly to tell a story, but what they have done to the Klingons and how they have turned the technology dial 300 years ahead, is inexcusable for me. I won't be watching season 2 most likely.

And Voyager was awesome!! (Except for the ending episode, that was waaaaaaay to short - And Harry "Boring, but apparently sexy?" Kim)
I actually had a thing for Janeway! Still do

View PostTetsuya, on 09 January 2018 - 01:29 AM, said:

I agree with The Orville being far better than people are giving it credit for.  Its actually a pretty decent homage to Trek.  

Discovery is an utter disgrace on every level.  Its worse than the Action-Sci-Fi movies bearing the Trek name.  (One of which is a good movie, just not a good Trek movie).  


Having watched through most of the series recently (its on BBC America right now which i often have on in the background)... its actually not very bad.  There is a major issue with the premise of WHY they stayed in the Delta Quadrant to begin with; Chakotay is a terrible character through no fault of Robert Beltran (the "Native American" expert they hired to write him was literaly a con-man, and Beltran hated it and kept trying to get himself fired), and There are 2 runs of episodes (part of Season 1, and a decent chunk of Season 2) that are just really, really bad.  Not just as Trek, but as a TV show.  (Writers Strike around that time).  

Otherwise.. though.  Its really not that bad.  It got a lot of bad press from Trek fans who had become enamored of DS9, because it was more of a throwback to ToS than anything since, but from Season 3 on, it wasn't too bad at all, and actually got quite good around the middle of Season 4.  As good as any of TNG anyway, and as good as the average/below average episodes of DS9.  

Janeway and Chakotay also got WAY better when (sometime in late Season 3/early Season 4) Kate Mulgrew  basically said that she was going to start writing arcs for her character and making her make more sense or they could fire her, and then went to bat for Beltran in the same way (give him creative latitude with Chakotay, or you can fire us both).  Youll notice around that time that Chakotay got more believably spiritual and less native-American-caricature (because Beltran was a spiritualist but wasn't raised in the native culture), became way less stiff, and started to have better character arcs.

Same with Janeway.  Her decision-making got a lot more consistent (in Seasons 1 and 2 she rubberbanded depending on who was writing), and they started to develop her character a lot more (dealing with her knowledge that her not-husband had moved on, being lonely, the Holodeck program with DaVinci (entirely written by Mulgrew) that featured in a lot of episodes afterwards (with the excellent John Rhys Davies as DaVinci).  

And even with the problems those two had... Voyager had three of the best Star Trek characters.  A lot of people still look to Nimoy for how Vulcans should act, but ... Tim Russ is my man.  Tuvok was an amazing character.  Not only did he have more episodes and seasons to develop, but i think he did a better job of being a Vulcan as described by Spock, who was, at his own admission, only half Vulcan.  

The Doctor was also an amazing character - not just a Data re-tread, but given a life of his own by Picardo.  (Who also threatened to quit unless they got him out of Sickbay).  Sometimes his arcs were silly, but some of the very best character-driven arcs in Star Trek were based around The Doctor (the episode where he cant deal with the fact that he had to let a crew member die?  SO GOOD.)  

And.. Neelix is probably the most undervalued character ever.  Really pay attention to him sometime.  He seems like a fool... but he isn't.  That crew would have died without him.  And his send-off was excellent.  

Now, im not saying Voyager was amazing or the best Trek show ever (because that is obviously DS9, and if you believe otherwise, it will be pistols at dawn), but it isn't nearly as bad as people remember.  

Its worth a re-watch.

Sorry for the info dump.  But i fell down a wiki-hole at Memory-Alpha.
I just wanted to be assimilated by seven of nine!

#447801 Startrek Discovery

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 08 January 2018 - 06:15 PM in Off-Topic

The Disaster Called Startrek Discovery

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Where do I start?

OK, Klingons!

ghob’e’ Qu’ Hoch ‘e’ naQ tIq HoS je

I tried to be open minded here but the timeline is wrong, technology is wrong, sets are wrong, acting is flat, plots are tortured, …… the Klingons are not Klingons!

Who came up with this stuff? Kilngons are passionate, extreme, wild-eyed! The Kilngons on Discovery are mask, that’s it.

I tried to like this show but I HATE it! The writers should be fed to my pitakh!

It actually makes me like The Orville.

#447758 Zune Repairs?

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 04 January 2018 - 09:33 PM in General

View PostThain Esh Kelch, on 31 December 2017 - 01:36 AM, said:

Transfer me one billion dollars then. I promise to spend it on good stuff.
Do you swear to never use even one penny of it on Apple products?

#447719 Zune Repairs?

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 30 December 2017 - 07:24 PM in General

View Postipickert55, on 28 December 2017 - 12:05 PM, said:

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LOL, you insult me! one million? Never mind.

#447718 Support the NNLO!

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 30 December 2017 - 07:22 PM in Off-Topic

View Postthe Battle Cat, on 30 December 2017 - 10:58 AM, said:

That's our fault DH.  The forums haven't been updated since forever and problems like this are leaking out of the corroded joints.
.... always blame the user, never confess error!

#447700 Zune Repairs?

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 28 December 2017 - 10:48 AM in General

View Postipickert55, on 28 December 2017 - 07:35 AM, said:

Sorry buddy, Lakers all day. :fencing:
This city is not big enough for the both of us!

Just wanted to let you people know that Fake Steve Knows ALL and see's all!

Test me! How much would yould like to be transfered into your bank accounts this weekend?

#447694 Free Mac games

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 28 December 2017 - 12:52 AM in General

Good luck with dat

#447693 Merry Christmas!

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 28 December 2017 - 12:51 AM in Off-Topic

The entire staff of FSB hope that all of you had a great and Merry Christmas!
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View PostFrost, on 25 December 2017 - 02:05 PM, said:


Now I have [another] machine gun!

Merry Christmas!

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#447692 Support the NNLO!

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 28 December 2017 - 12:42 AM in Off-Topic

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#447691 Zune Repairs?

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 28 December 2017 - 12:32 AM in General

View Postthe Battle Cat, on 20 December 2017 - 10:21 AM, said:

The Monkey Boy Conspiracy is such a page turner that I turned the whole book over and just read the back cover!  It's THAT good!

View PostDirtyHarry50, on 21 December 2017 - 10:50 AM, said:

You pick on one snowflake buddy and we'll all come down on you!

By the way, I took a pass on the Zune where my trusty SONY Walkman cassette player still works fine and sounds better. :P
Walkman? I used to have three. btw: I have nothing against you snowflakes as long as you support the Clippers and Microsoft.

#447636 Zune Repairs?

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 19 December 2017 - 08:27 PM in General

View Postipickert55, on 19 December 2017 - 07:52 PM, said:

Oh, you're still here.
I'm everywhere, I see everything! hmmmm you doubt?
How else would I know about your little rendezvous with K*****n down at the Crab house on the wharf? Hmmmmm

#447634 Zune Repairs?

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 19 December 2017 - 07:49 PM in General

The Zune is bulletproof but getting old, on the rare off-chance that something happens to yours, (ie being dropped in lava, shotgun blast, swallowed by a shark, dropped off 25+ story building, ... etc), you can contact these people.
Mention Fake Steve and get a 15% discount.
You are welcome.
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Be sure to get my book this summer:
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#447497 Join the battle for net neutrality

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 07 December 2017 - 05:33 PM in Off-Topic

View Postthe Battle Cat, on 07 December 2017 - 10:43 AM, said:

Beans for that morning titter good sir.
; > )

#447467 Join the battle for net neutrality

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 06 December 2017 - 10:23 AM in Off-Topic

View PostSpike, on 05 December 2017 - 07:55 PM, said:

Trying not to get political, but its very bad that FCC chairman Ajit Pai is trying to take our internet freedom and rights away and might succeed. The FCC is doing a lot of underhanded tactics and ignoring their own rules.

Im with you on this one Ballmer!
It is always a wise thing to agree with me! Let that be your default opinion.

View Postipickert55, on 06 December 2017 - 12:47 AM, said:

I think this is an issue where politics can go to the sideline. This affects everyone, and if this goes through (which it probably will) it'll affect everyone in a negative way.

EDIT: So yes, I'm with Ballmer! That's probably the only time I'll ever say that.

#447460 Transfer photos to iPad Air (iOS 8.3) from Snow Leopard

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 05 December 2017 - 06:35 PM in Mac OS Related

What the heck is "Snow Leopold"?

#447459 Join the battle for net neutrality

Posted by Steve Ballmer on 05 December 2017 - 06:33 PM in Off-Topic

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Here is another great cause: Return Steve Ballmer as CEO and Make Microsoft Great Again!